Be aware of your body

My friend Emily had a request for my next post. So, I'll write a little about it (since, really, it is somewhat private and a bit of an embarrassment).

I'm only 24 years old, but I've lived a full life, it feels like. I've gone to school, finished school, wondered what I'm going to do after school. I've fallen in love roughly 4 times. I've been to Disney World as much as a full grown adult with 3 kids. I've traveled the world (but only remember France / Europe) - I was too young to remember Guam, Japan, Thailand, and the far east.

I've also spent enough time in the hospital to know how to be a nurse already. Who needs school when you're basically a patient apprentice?

I'm not going to go into detail about why I was in the hospital. I'm not going to talk about the sleepless nights with the Disney channel blaring in the darkness, the needle pricks every hour, my swollen hands, or my IV scars. I won't talk about my hospital parties (they are just fond memories now, as someone that I really despise sat there in silence while my friends and I had fun... well they had fun, I sort of slept).

What I will talk about is what a lot of women need to be aware of: PCOS.

PCOS stands for Poly Cystic Ovary Syndrome, and causes cysts to form on your ovaries. There are also a lot of side effects, such as: excessive hairiness, lots of weight around the stomach area (but thinner everywhere else), irregular to no periods, dark skin around the neck and finger area, insulin problems, and infertility. This disease will not kill you, but it will make you feel like you're dying.

It's not the most mysterious disease, but when you have never heard of it, have all those symptoms (except maybe the infertility, that might not always happen) and you live with them every day, it becomes a mystery. It becomes a way of life.

I didn't know what was wrong with me for a long time, and I started to hate everything about myself. I was really fat. According to most people, fat is like 400 pounds. I was around 180 at my highest, but for a small person of my stature, it was pretty big. I was unhappy with how I looked and felt, not to mention that I had open wounds on my stomach and back from something called hidradenitis suppurativa. That is in correlation with the PCOS.

So, after 7 surgeries and a doctor visit, I was put on birth control and something called metformin, which is a diabetes medication. My insulin levels were out of whack, so that was to help put them back where they should be. I do not have diabetes.

For 2 months, this medicine ravaged my body. I was throwing up constantly and sick all the time. I was weak. Eventually, my boyfriend at the time broke up with me, and I'm no stranger to the reason. I'm not dumb. I was no longer able to do things with him, or engage in relations, because my body felt like it was on the brink of destruction. If that's what he was using me for, then yeah, he was a pretty terrible boyfriend. I agree. I dealt with him for 3 years. So it was eventually time, and that was a pretty great reason to end it. I'm glad it's over - thank you!

I also had a lifechanging surgery in December of 2009... I had a wound excision. Basically a miniature tummy tuck. The doctor lopped off 3 pounds of excess, dead, necrotic skin on my stomach that was not doing anything for me but hinder and hurt. I came out with a pretty long scar (if I draw eyes above it, it looks like a smiley face!) on my stomach, but I'd rather have a million scars than hurt every time I moved. Also, it's nice to be a size 10 instead of a size 16 (which is what I was in 2009).

It was hard to heal from that surgery, because it was so extensive, but I did. That Christmas was the worse one I've ever had, but I fought through it and I struggled every day with the pain, and I came out a much better, more attractive, and more healthy human being.

I got better, and also used to the medicine. I'm currently still taking it, but it doesn't do nearly as much damage, if it does any at all. My body was trying to tell me that it's time to change. You can't eat whatever you want and take the medicine, it's impossible. So, I changed my eating habits.

I eat lots of fiber now, and try not to fill up on fast food (although during the week it does happen). I don't eat huge portions. I eat kind of like a bird now... I'll take 5 bites, be finished, and then be hungry about 2 hours later. I gave up steak in 2009... THAT will definitely cut your caloric intake. Only 1 Coke per day. I used to drink about 3 or 4. Lots of water, of course. No alcohol. It's all about moderation. And it's not very hard to do.

It annoys me when I see girls complain about how they can't stay on a diet. Dear everyone: I have to stay on a consistent diet, and I can't change it. I can't eat five bowls of ice cream when I'm sad, or pig out on 80 hot dogs at a football game with five beers. All it takes is a little bit of willpower. Evidently, no one has that now, as they quit dieting 3 days after they start because they really miss that macaroni and cheese and those hamburgers.

It's easier, when you have a problem, to stick with the diet that you eat. So I understand that these people really don't want to stay on their diets, because they don't have limitations. But just pretend you have them, and you will be able to stick with the diet.

Lifestyle changes are best for everyone, and I made mine about a year and a half ago. I'm much happier for it, and I believe I'm much healthier too. I haven't been this happy ever, so it's nice to have a bit of a change.

So, I guess the moral of this story is: if you have health insurance, use it! If you have a problem, go to the doctor. First, read up on your symptoms on the internet to see if there is anything seriously wrong. Make sure you are keeping yourself healthy, and be aware that PCOS can affect anyone.